Hope with Blind Eyes
by Shiro Ryuu
Summary: [RazielxZaphikel] Fluff, set in the weeks following Raziel’s rescue from the white labs. Yes, incest, SUCH a shocker in this fandom :D For blackocean.
1. Chapter 1

**

* * *

**

**Chapter One**

**

* * *

**

_Do you want to live?_

That's what he asked me...

_Yes... yes...!_

Though you might wonder why, when you looked at what life had offered me so far. School had gone well enough - I had been a bright student - until the voices. They had pained me so much - I had never known that my fellow students, my friends, were capable of so much secret hatred - and I had just wanted it to stop, which was how they found out. It was a day that I will never forget, a day that I can barely remember because I spent most of it sedated, sedate the 'dangerous' I-child for transportation to the Labs...

Afterwards, I would be left with nothing but a blur of lights and sounds to assure me that the next years had even happened - but I'm grateful, because I know that many of those sounds are my own screams.

So why, you wonder, would I wish to continue living? My life had not been completely without respite, but obviously I had known more pain than peace. My reason, of course, was 'hope' - a hope all my own, a hope that brought the shining aura of the kindest creature I'd ever seen smack into the middle of my darkest hour - a hope with blind eyes.

* * *

"You're awake?"

The ceiling above me was white, but rather dusty. I was sure I'd never seen a ceiling like that before. Ceilings were white and _clean_, as were walls and floors and sheets and clothes... I stared at this impossible ceiling for a few moments before turning my head - aching, pounding, pulsing light, moving so painfully slow, but I turned my head - to face the speaker. The voice had been cool and soft and kind, a sweet whisper, and at first I was certain that I'd also never heard a voice like that before.

But then again - _Do you want to live?_

For several seconds, all I could do was stare in awe - that long dark hair, I remembered that, unless it had been a dream...? I tried to open my mouth to speak - though I have no idea what I would've said - only to be overcome by vertigo. When I could see again, I was surprised to find the man smiling tenderly at me. I couldn't remember if I'd ever seen an expression like that directed at me even once in my entire life.

"Don't speak," he said - still in that beautiful, compassionate tone. "You need to drink something - here." A cup of water was raised to my lips; I swallowed it all desperately. "You're in better shape than I thought," the man commented, sounding amused. "Are you up to eating, you think? Please, just shake or nod your head."

The water had lit a fire in my stomach, and I nodded. His movement away from me and into the next room drew my eyes to my surroundings, and I was stunned. So many shapes, so many colors - dark wood, wine red fabric, green plants... The light was all wrong, too; it came streaming in through a large window in golden beams, and I could see more plants outside and hear birdsong and distant laughter - I wondered how I even knew the names of these things. It all seemed so totally foreign.

The man reappeared, a bowl of steaming soup in hand. "I just warmed up my leftovers from lunch; I hope you don't mind," he babbled pleasantly, as if everything was perfectly normal. I was so busy watching the bowl as he set it on the bedside table that I was caught off guard when he took hold of my shoulders to prop me up, but any surprised exclamation died in my throat when I finally got a good look at his face. His eyes...

"I'm not always the greatest cook," he continued obliviously, "but I'll make you something fresh next time. I know you're still tired, so I just wanted to get something in you before you fall asleep again." He offered a spoonful of the soup to me, and I wondered how in the world he handled it so easily. His eyes - this man was blind.

"Who are you?" I rasped. I narrowed my own eyes suspiciously at him. "And - and how did you know I'd nodded?" He chuckled, and shoved the spoon into my face so that I had no choice but to accept it warily.

"I told you that you shouldn't talk. Telling you who I am will lead to far too in-depth a conversation for your present condition, I'm afraid." He beamed cheerfully, and again I felt frozen in place in wonder. "Though I do look forward to conversing with you _eventually_; you seem to be rather quick. I could hear the way your head moved on the pillow."

I was still full to bursting with more questions, but after that I shyly kept quiet and allowed him to spoon-feed me. He was very careful, and didn't misjudge the location of my face once. Even the soup was better than anything I'd ever had, and I was just thinking that I ought to at least tell him that, and thank him, when I felt my already-feeble hold on consciousness slip away.

* * *

The next time I woke, it was to the same dusty-white ceiling, but I thought that it looked different. It looked almost yellow, somehow... Then I realized that the difference was merely a change in the lighting; it was being illuminated for me by an electric light instead of outside light - an incandescent light bulb, too, rather a harsh fluorescent light bulb like they'd always had in the Labs, I noted. I looked to the side, and found the man from before, seated in the same chair by the bed and running his fingers with practiced ease over the Enochian characters of a book for the blind. He wore a small and peaceful smile as he read, and for some reason I felt compelled to smile, too.

"What's the light for?" I whispered. His eyebrows shot up, and his smile developed a humorous quirk.

"Awake again? Ah... The light was for just such a situation. The sun went down about an hour ago, and I thought it might have bothered you to wake up in the dark with someone moving around next to you." I couldn't help it - I really did smile this time.

"Thank you... for everything." I shook my head incredulously. "Why are you doing so much? Who are you?"

He laughed as he snapped his book shut and set it aside. "I suppose I should have known you'd be inquisitive," he mused. "You see, as for why I'm doing this, I... told you before that I was in charge of the government's rather pathetic excuse for an attempt to regulate the white labs," he said, and the sudden bitterness in his voice startled me. He shook his head sadly. "Out of all the angels who'd been in there any significant amount of time, you were the only one who was able to answer my question."

I took a moment to absorb this. How many others? I wondered... I jumped in surprise when he suddenly clapped his hands together. "But that's not something you should be worrying about right now," he declared. "It's not too late yet; would you like to take a bath?"

I shook my head slightly, forgetting that he couldn't see. "No, thank you... I think I'm still too tired; I'd probably just hurt myself."

He laughed again. "Oh, of course. I meant I would help you."

I found myself blushing slightly in spite of myself. "Oh - I - but, I don't want to inconvenience you; you _are_ bli-" I froze, and blushed ten times worse; luckily, he didn't seem to be offended.

"Not a problem, I assure you," he said, waving it off. "You have my word that I have near-perfect coordination - I bathe myself, after all."

I sighed, gnawing on my lower lip absentmindedly. "Well..."

"But more importantly, since you were unconscious for several days, I've actually already had to bathe you once," he added, producing a fan from nowhere as I sweat-dropped.

"_Fine_," I grumbled, willing the last remnants of my blush to go away. That didn't go so well, as after allowing me to try to struggling into a sitting position for a few moments, the man scooped me up in his arms without warning. He was obviously quite strong, and normally that would have frightened me, but he merely smiled down at me...

As I got used to being carried, I tried to take the opportunity to get a look at the rest of the rooms in this place (however dimly lit it was at the moment). "Where is this?" I asked softly - the home was obviously very fine, full of books, paintings, and expensive-looking furniture.

"It's merely my chambers," he said off-handedly. "In the central palace of High Heaven."

I choked. "A-All this is yours? The central palace - who _are _you?"

We achieved the bathroom as I was asking this, and he remembered to turn on the light for my benefit and set me down next to the counter so that I would have something to lean against. "I suppose it's only fair," he said mock-thoughtfully, helping me unbutton my shirt as he spoke. "I know that you are Raziel, once a cadet student. _My _name is Zaphikel, the Great Thrones."

I yelped and jumped away. "_WHAT_?-!" I'd gotten a bit carried away, though, and swayed with dizziness; he reached out to hold my shoulder with one hand while making a waving gesture with his other.

"Please don't worry about it," he implored. "To be honest, this is why I hesitated to tell you..." I took a few deep breaths, trying to pull myself together for his sake.

"I'm sorry, sir, but please, I can't let you do this-"

He scoffed. "Oh, trust me, you can, it's easy. Now, are you going to take off your pants, or shall I do it for you?" Something about the diabolical way that he smirked made me shimmy out of them as quickly as I could without another thought.

I flushed the worst yet as he calmly started the bath water running. "But - but - the Great Thrones shouldn't have to do something like this-"

He laughed again, music to my ears mixing with the running water. "Now, what about me that you've seen so far has led you to believe that I'm the type of person to care about that? Would I have suggested it if I had minded?"

Well, that shut me up. I fidgeted, miserable with contained politeness, until he judged the tub - an elaborate marble affair complete with silver spigots - to be full enough, and helped me in. I hissed through my teeth at the hot water's first contact with my stiff joints, bringing to my attention a variety of fading bruises, and half-healed cuts and puncture wounds. I looked down at my body incredulously. I was really a mess... I froze as I felt Zaphikel's long fingers brush the top of my bandaged head, and deftly search out the cut end of the cloth.

"Wait - I -"

"Hmm?" he murmured.

"What if -" I stopped as I realized abruptly that I had no idea what I was talking about. What was I afraid of? That my head would fall off? I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, relaxed. "Sorry."

He arched one eyebrow delicately. "You have nothing to apologize for," he informed me in clipped tones, and I noticed for the first time the thin, angry line of his lips as he unwound the gauze, 'round and 'round... The long strip finally fell away, and I watched apprehensively as he reached out a questing hand. At the same time, he hissed and jerked back, and I fell away with a startled yelp and a splash.

"What...?" I raised a hand to my head, and my eyes widened. "What...?" I repeated, almost whining in horror, and scrambled to my feet to see into the mirror.

"Raziel...?" Zaphikel hazarded, fingertips brushing my leg. I didn't even notice.

_Stitches. _Arching up in half-circles on either side of my shaven head. I was vaguely aware of tears. "What did they _do _to me?" I muttered, dazed, too suddenly tired to scream.

"I doubt they did anything damaging, if that's what has you worried," the black-haired man said soothingly. "We would've noticed by now. And you still have your gift, don't you?"

I looked away from my reflection in surprise, meeting his sightless eyes. "My-"

_isheokayisheokaypleasestaycalm_

"...You know?" I sunk back into the water; his eyes followed me.

He chuckled good-naturedly. "I did take you from the _Lab._ Rest assured, your tracks have been thoroughly covered. Once you are well, you will be free to begin a new life, complete with a freshly minted record of uninterrupted academic excellence." He smiled dazzlingly, with just a touch of wickedness. "Now, shall we attend to the task at hand?"

I was too stunned to do more than utter a small, wordless noise of assent. Zaphikel plucked a bar of soft, herb-scented soap from a rack on the wall, and got to work. The gentle circular motions starting at my left shoulder eased my tense muscles - he carefully examined every inch of my skin for wounds with his free hand ahead of the hand with the soap to avoid causing me any undue pain - and his whispered words of comfort eased my mind. I wondered about these wounds... evidence of repeated intravenous injections on the back of my neck as well of the insides of my elbows; a long, jagged line of stitched-up skin right between where my wings came out... why couldn't I remember any of it? It was like a nightmare after waking - a mostly forgotten shadow. Those ghouls in the back of my mind were the only thing to distract from how warm and safe I felt just now...

"Where..." I mumble, somewhat without meaning to. Zaphikel 'hmm'ed again, and swept a hand over my side, prodding gently for broken ribs. It tickled, but I held back the laughter, biting my lip. "Well... Where should I go? Once I'm better, I mean. What should I do?"

He shrugged, smiled. He moved the soap over my stomach, tickling me even more and making my squirm involuntary. "You could do anything, go anywhere - be anyone... What do you _want _to do, any idea?"

His hands moved up, tracing over my chest, and I blushed at the reminder of my nakedness - even if he _was _blind - if not for the distraction, I might have realized then and there. "W-Well, I don't know... I guess I should... go back to school...?"

He laughed outright at that; I glowered, deciding that I must've missed the joke. "You're cute, kid," he informed me, and for some reason it really startled me. "But you've got time to think about it-" one finger tapped the smooth top of my head, indicating, "-you can stay here until this grows out a bit."

I sighed, relaxing into his touch again - I hadn't even realized I'd tensed up. "Thank you..."

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**(blush) Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed already! I feel flattered... (bow) I hope this chapter was worth the wait; it's shorter and rather uneventful, more of an interlude really... One more to go! (Note: The 'Lieutenant' isn't an OC; she's the one who took over the Anima Mundi after Zaphikel was arrested. I don't know if she has a name, but I certainly couldn't find one, heh...)**

* * *

**Chapter Two**

* * *

Over the next few days, I slept away the majority of my time. I fought disorientation in vain - I never knew if I'd be waking up to sunlight or lamplight - indeed, the only constant seemed to be Zaphikel, sitting by my side and reading his book with a simple smile... I couldn't help but ask what he was reading, and was mildly scandalized to learn that the Great Thrones liked romances. I decided that I was probably happier not knowing where he got such dangerous contraband, and didn't push the subject.

I soon discovered that this great angel was truly full of surprises. He seemed to be on first-name terms with the Prime Minister, even referring to him as 'Sevy-kun'. I seriously doubted that he'd be daring enough to call him that to his face, though; he spoke of 'the Lieutenant', who was actually his own assistant, in harrowed tones. Although I had noticed that, when he talked of things that he felt strongly about - the treatment of the I-children, the new legislation to make life imprisonment a legal punishment for dissenters - his blind eyes would shine so bright and shrewd...

Somehow or another, I guess started to really enjoy talking to him. I'd certainly never known anyone like him before. He refused to be serious about the responsibilities that came with his position, and he was very good at avoiding questions - and yet, on the first day that I awoke to find myself alone, I found that I didn't have the energy to do more than stare at the ceiling for a long time.

_Don't be so silly! _I chided myself. He _was _the Great Thrones, after all, and yet he'd stayed with me constantly for four days now. Even an irresponsible person like him would eventually... would... surely...

I blinked slowly up at the ceiling, lazily, and wished that I could fall back asleep. I was really surprised at myself; I couldn't recall ever having felt this way.

Eventually, however, it became clear that sleep was not an option. I was thirsty, for one thing. With a sigh, I hoisted myself upright and thrust a hand out for the light switch - and all the nonsensical fatigue left me in one giddy rush. The small bedside table was half-hidden under a stack of standard-text books, surely self-explanatory, but nevertheless there was a vid note sitting on top of them. A startled laugh escaped me and I wondered, not for the first time, why in Heaven he bothered.

I set the little cube on top of the sheets and settled back, cross-legged, before switching it on. The little hologram waved at me, beaming brightly. "I'm sincerely sorry that I couldn't be here today," he said, "but I fear that the Lieutenant will decide to track me down at last if I continue to shirk _all _my duties. I'll try to sneak back around dinnertime, but if you get hungry before then, there's some soup in the kitchen that just needs to be heated up. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy the books, little Raziel!" I could have sworn that I caught a split-second of maniacal sniggering before the holo switched off; I skimmed the books' spins suspiciously. _The Duke, By Starlight - _my eyes widened - _Lady Sophia's Lover_? I stared at that one for a long moment, before deciding dazedly that I would rather try my luck with the soup.

I padded into the kitchen, barefooted and with a blanket wrapped around my shoulders, and quickly sought out the covered dish in the fridge. While it was heating, I tentatively started looking though a few of the cabinets, not entirely sure if I wasn't being a bit presumptuous, until I found a tin of teabags. Zaphikel had said that he liked tea, but wasn't much good at making it himself; I didn't think _I'd _ever even tried, but it had been nagging at me since he'd mentioned it. Maybe I had made it before, and just couldn't remember?

I smiled wistfully into the tin. Or maybe I was hoping that I would somehow be able to make it well on my first try, and make him happy? He had done too much already...

Once the food and the tea were both ready - to my relief, the drink tasted good to me - I carried them back to the bedroom. I was a bit hesitant about exploring the rest of the rooms, but this one had a small table by the window that would do well enough. I opened up the blinds, and my breath caught - Zaphikel's private gardens that I'd glimpsed before, already beautiful, seemed to burning blood red in the setting sun. It was lovely... and it also meant, I realized, that he would be home soon. I smiled hugely, and couldn't seem to stop for the longest time.

I tried reading the first few pages of one of Zaphikel's books, but quickly decided that it really wasn't my kind of thing. I fell to watching the sunset instead, wondering idly how much longer I could continue living in such luxury. The fact that he thought it safe to leave me alone for the first time today didn't seem to bode well. How much longer would I be allowed to stay here? What would I do after leaving? It wasn't like I had anywhere to go...

I swirled the soup around in the bowl, and frowned at it. Of course, Zaphikel was so kind that I was sure he would never force me to leave until I had some kind of plan, but how much longer could I bring myself to live off of his hospitality? He owed nothing to me, I reminded myself. We were perfect strangers - why didn't it feel that way?

When the door opened, I was so startled that I yelped. "Little Raziel!" Zaphikel looked in my direction. "Up and about already?"

I smiled sheepishly. "Um, yes... Welcome home." Perfect strangers, yes, and yet he already had a pet name for me...

He beamed at me. "Why, thank you. I'm sorry I'm a bit late - the Lieutenant started throwing a fit - I hope you weren't alone for too long... Is that tea?"

I flushed. "Ah - I'm sorry. I looked through your cabinets... I made enough for two," I added meekly.

He chuckled, sounding delighted. "There's no need to apologize, you know. I shall sample it right away - here, this is for you." He dropped a bag on the table in front of me, and made a bee line for the kitchen.

I gawked. For me... Inside, I found several changes of clothes (including a full cadet's uniform), as well as some music discs and movie vids, and several more books - all on political science, this time.

"The tea is _perfect_," Zaphikel informed me, slipping into the chair across the table. I hadn't even noticed him come back in... "You're obviously a natural. I hope you liked the books - I noticed on your record that you'd been chosen for the civil servant track, back in school - I thought you might enjoy those more than, ah, what I had managed to get together on short notice..." His questing fingers found the book I'd left on the table, and he smirked. "Unless you've discovered a liking for the genre?"

I blushed worse than ever. "Ah - _no_ - well, I mean -" I bowed my head. "That is, thank you so much for all this. I don't understand why you're doing so much for me. You shouldn't let me keep living here -"

He waved a hand nonchalantly. "Nonsense. It's because of that selfless nature of yours that I must keep you around, don't you see? You don't even know what a kind, pure person you are, and I had given up on ever meeting anyone like you again... You deserve everything that I can give you and more."

Why, I wondered, did he always have to do this to me? Saying something like that out of the blue... Even though I told myself that he couldn't tell if I was, I couldn't keep looking at him. I looked out the window instead, reaffirming for myself that I was really here, in the Great Thrones' chamber, in the time just after sunset when the first stars begin to show, because I was feeling rather dazed - I took a long time to answer, and all I could manage was a soft 'thank you...'

He laughed at me, but kindly. The serious expression was gone just as quickly as it had come, I noted. "Think nothing of it. Or think of it as thanks for the tea; I certainly needed it today." He shook his head mournfully. "There was so much paperwork, little Raziel, and the Lieutenant made me do it all..."

I scoffed - I was beginning to feel a bit of sympathy for this 'Lieutenant'. "Then you shouldn't have ignored your duties for so long," I grumbled. During my school days, people like this had always bugged me...

"What, and have to deal with that for four days in a row, instead of getting it out of the way all at once?" He smirked. "And anyway, you would have missed me, right?"

I suddenly had to look away from him again or risk another blush - what was wrong with me? - but I couldn't help the small smile tugging at my lips. "Oh... I suppose so..."

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**(bow) Again, thank you all for all the support! Sorry the story is so short, but I think it worked well at this length... I nearly cried when I wrote the end, in a GOOD way... I must warn you, I'm kind of throwing canon out the window with this one. Heh, oh well, that's why it's called FANfiction :) Incidentally, does anyone have any idea how old Raziel is? I've pegged him at about 13, though I could swear someone told me once... But in any case, hope everybody likes the ending!**

* * *

**Chapter Three**

* * *

Precious days slipped blurrily by - perhaps a week in all? My sleeping patterns had been becoming more regular, but I still hadn't been bothering to keep track. I didn't even know what day of the week it was - I didn't even know what _month _it was... I really didn't care to know, for one thing - no doubt part of Zaphikel's contagious behavior - but also, I was secretly afraid that once I started worrying about things like that again, it would mean that I would have to start worrying about the future as well...

One day, after a brief-as-humanly-possible stint at work, he found me out in the gardens attempting to enjoy the late afternoon breeze. I say 'attempting' because, while that had been my purpose, I barely noticed it - I barely notice anything, it seemed, as I didn't become aware of Zaphikel until he cleared his throat in a way that let me know he'd been standing there for at least a few moments already. I jerked in surprise, but then I couldn't help but grin - out of the two of us, the blind man was clearly more aware of his surroundings.

"Welcome home," I said, a by-now familiar greeting. He grinned winningly at me, and pulled up a seat beside me at my little wire-mesh table.

"Good evening, little Raziel," he returned. "How are you feeling today?"

I shrugged. "I explored all around these gardens today - they're really amazing, by the way..." I touched the top of my head self-consciously, and chuckled, trying to sound cheerful. "The only thing keeping me here is my hair," I informed him.

"That's good to hear," he said gravely, and I was suddenly very much aware of the possible double meaning of that statement - and mine, come to think of it; could that be the cause of the ever-so-faint way that he wrinkled his brows? - but then he added, "If there were to be any complications, I guess they probably would have shown themselves by now..."

For some reason, that made me feel much better, and I grinned awkwardly, conscious of how strangely hyper-sensitive I was being. I struck out for a change of subject - "How was your day?"

His expression darkened, and he sighed. "Oh - not too good. Bill HR-240 - the bill to make slandering our Prime Minister treason - passed the House of Representatives today. It is apparently to move to the House of Lords with all haste - three guesses who ordered _that_ but, heh, you daren't say them aloud, of course..."

I shuddered in disgust. "I can't believe it! The Lower House is supposed to represent the people-"

Zaphikel waved a hand carelessly. "Oh, everyone knows they're all string-puppets. Everyone pretty much knew this would be the outcome."

I shook my head. "I can't believe it," I reiterated. "Isn't there anything that can be done?"

He frowned at me oddly for a moment - calculating, I thought, but what? - but then he shrugged, and smiled blandly. "Don't slander the Prime Minister?" he suggested.

I scowled at him, unable to accept that. "You're the Great Thrones, and you mean to tell me that you have _no _influence in something like this?"

His weak smile faded utterly away, and he spread his hands in a helpless gesture. "Would I shirk my duties if they were of any _real _importance?"

"Ah-" I hesitated, considering this seriously, and he glowered good-naturedly at me. "Probably not," I said hastily, and frowned in thought. "I wish... that there was something I could do, I-" I shook my head again, and took to staring moodily at the wire mesh. If I didn't even know exactly what I was feeling, there was certainly no way that I could voice it, but it nagged away at me inside...

Zaphikel arched an eyebrow over his wire rims. "But why? Obviously you've had terrible experiences at the hands of the government in the past, but you seem to be doing rather well now. Wouldn't it be better to just stay quiet, and be thankful for what you have?"

My head shot up, and I gawked at him. That didn't sound like the Zaphikel I knew at all, I thought, though I wondered why it repelled me as much as it did... "_Safer, _yeah, but better?" I blurted, and shook my head vehemently, too incensed to even remember that the effect was partially wasted on him.

Somewhat to my surprise, he looked properly abashed. "Well, that might be true..." His blind eyes stared unblinkingly towards the sinking sun. "But don't you think you've already suffered enough?" he murmured.

"I..." I wondered why he looked so sad... I shook it off, however, resolved. "Maybe that's not for me to decide," I said boldly. "Anyway, everything I've been through - no matter how terrible it was - it hasn't _accomplished_ anything." I eyed him disapprovingly. "With an attitude like that, it's no wonder that you haven't got any influence even though you're in a position where you could easily _gain _some, if you would only work at it a bit."

He slapped his palm down on the table, making me jump. "Don't assume that I'm just going to lie down and take this-" His eyes widened fractionally, and he turned his face away, lips thin. "Never mind," he said firmly. "I just meant that... if there's anything that I _can _do, I will certainly do it. I just wouldn't recommend a similar course of action for you..."

I stared at him for a long time, until he looked my direction again with an inquisitive expression. Sometime seemed wrong... something had been out-of-place since the beginning... "No," I said softly. "You were going to say something - else. You - _are_ planning something, aren't you?"

He gasped. "Raziel - don't _say _that! Conspiring against the government is already treason-"

I scoffed. "Then what is providing me with a false identity?" He seemed to deflate a bit at that; I smirked triumphantly. "Maybe you work by yourself, or maybe you're part of some kind of organization - but I'll bet there's an organization, isn't there? If it was just the government behind your project to evaluate the Labs, they probably would've had me quietly disposed of after I miraculously managed to pass your test - and, no offense, but I don't think you would've been able to handle something like that all by yourself-"

"Stop! Quiet!" He waggled his eyebrows at me, and I understood that he wasn't angry with me. "Walls have ears, or hedges in this case I suppose..." In fact, he was grinning, if shakily. "You know, you - oh, Lord, what a mess... You absolutely weren't supposed to know about any of this." He took his glasses off to pinch the bridge of his nose, sighing tiredly. "I thought it was a good quality - silly me - you're _too _clever..."

My eyes were as wide as they would go. "You mean there really _is _an organization?" He groaned, but I hardly noticed. I leaned closer, hesitated just short of grabbing his coat sleeve. "_Oh _- can I join? Please, you've got to let me!"

He stiffened visibly, and then laughed. "Ah - no. No, you - no. I definitely could not allow that..."

An indignant glare formed on my face as he spoke. "Oh, why - because I'm a freak? Because I never got to finish school, because they found out I was a _freak_...?"

"No!" He turned his face towards me again, and I was so certain that he was staring into my eyes that I couldn't look away. "My dear Raziel, this society was formed _for _'freaks'. However, for you to volunteer so easily, you obviously have no idea how dangerous it would be. I won't allow you to be hurt-"

"Oh." I bowed my head. "Then it's because I'm a child."

This silenced him for rather longer than I'd been expecting it to. I stared at my lap, gazed miserably at my chewed-down fingernails - a nervous habit that I didn't remember developing... When his fingertips brushed my cheek, my eyes flew wide again, but I didn't move; I didn't want to scare him off. I had to be sure that this was for real... "I don't think of you as a child," he said quietly.

"Then let me serve you," I whispered. I looked up, and the fingers slipped away; I wanted desperately to pull them back again. "I want to serve you," I repeated more firmly. "This cause of yours - it's certainly more worthwhile than going back to school. And you..." _You're the most wonderful person I've ever met... _"You've done so much for me; you saved me..."

His mouth twisted into an ironic smile. "Funny - I saved you, so that you can ask me to help you throw it all away...?"

I stared hopelessly at his unswayable expression. "Oh... don't..." I was babbling, I knew, and I couldn't help it; I was also trembling. "I don't want to go back to school, or anything else - I don't want to leave your side, _please_..."

He frowned in a stern and somewhat worried fashion. "Now, Raziel-" He reached out to touch my face again, and his eyes widened slightly on finding the tears that I myself hadn't noticed until now. "Raziel - sweet Raziel - don't..." He only hesitated for a moment, before wrapping his arms around me. "This is something you really want, huh?" he said, rather glumly I thought.

I was frozen for the first second or two, but now I clutched at his coat, hugging him tightly. "Yes!" I choked, sniffling miserably.

He sighed into my shoulder, clearly defeated, and I noticed that his hair smelled like some exotic tea... "Ugh," he grumbled, and held me out again at arm's length. "This had better not be some kind of immature whim," he said severely.

I managed to glower through blurry eyes. "Who are you to use a word like 'immature'? Look at what you _read_."

He smirked, and wiped away my tears with uncannily nimble fingers. "Fine. You understand, of course, that you will be given the lowest entry level position, privy to virtually none of the society's secrets, in case you still decide to back out..."

My eyes lit up, as did something deep down inside me. "Thank you!" All propriety forgotten, I flung my arms back around him; he laughed like bells, and hugged me back.

"You... never cease to amaze me," he admitted. "You really do understand how risky this all is, don't you?"

I shrugged in his comfortable embrace. "I'll be lucky if I live to see thirty," I said calmly. "With my temper, in a world where you can't speak your mind, I probably wouldn't anyway. At least I can live with pride."

He chuckled. "Ah - can you _kill_ with pride?"

I smiled sadly. "Yes. Because..." _What was this feeling? _Some exotic spiced tea...

"Do I really mean that much to you?" he asked slyly - or shyly? I couldn't help but grin.

"Yeah, I guess you do..." He pulled away, enough to touch my face again, and he explored my expression solemnly. My eyes grew half-lidded, and I waited - blushing - wondering - daring... I didn't realize that he'd leaned closer until a split second before his lips touched mine.

The scent of that sweet warm spice enveloped me, defying gravity, and I wondered if one of his books would've warned me that kisses were so _soft_, because I'd had no idea...

He abruptly sat bolt upright, and seemed to take note of the fact that I wasn't breathing at the moment. "Oh, dear - was that wrong?" He grinned, looking pained. "Well, of course it was _wrong, _I mean - oh-"

A grin was forming on my face that threatened to split it in two, which I couldn't seem to repress... "I didn't think it was wrong at all," I suggested bashfully. "In fact, I - I - could get used to it..."

We sat in the garden all through the glorious sunset and into the starlit hours beyond, making plans for the future.

**Owari**


End file.
